Living Without Love

The man and I have not lived as "husband and wife" for 5 years. However, we still share our home in order to be close to our 2 babies. Separate rooms, separate lives. The time is coming, I feel, when we will have to increase the distance. There's only so much healing a person can do when they are being re-injured on an almost daily basis. It's excruciating sometimes. Living with that someone who, at one time, was your "happily ever after", is...very lonely. To feel alone is hard. To have someone around all the time and still feel that loneliness and isolation is hell.

I miss what it was, when it was good. Going through the motions without the connection seems to just shine a spotlight on everything that's gone.

A friend pointed something out to me today. My children may be learning that it's ok to live without love. That thought scares me, for them. It's the first time that I've thought that this just might NOT be the best way... As much as I hate for my kids to have to experience their parents living apart, this is not any better.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that it's not an "ugly" divorce. I've always said I would do anything for my kids and I mean it. I guess I'm starting to question whether this is what's best. I thought I was doing right by them by not making them live without either parent. "Sacrificing" personal needs for the greater good and all that. But...maybe it's not the greater good? More soul-searching is needed...Certainly, any and all advice is welcome...