There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
And when she was good
She was very, very good
And when she was bad, she was Horrid
I heard that poem, so often growing up.
I can't help but think that maybe my parents knew I was going to be trouble.
I'm not a bad person, I'm just a little rebellious and childish.
I make some stupid choices sometimes. I'm starting to see it.
That's the first step towards healing, right?
I sure hope so.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Relationship Do's and Don'ts
No ONE thing is guaranteed to make or not make a relationship work. I've seen some marriages, that make my skin crawl, last a lifetime. I've seen marriages, that seemed perfect, that lasted through tons of hardships, suddenly fall apart.
Communication is at the forefront but, I think, there's a lot more to that answer than just talking. How you communicate is vital. Each of you should feel "safe" being completely open. However, and I can't stress this enough, we should always consider whether or not something needs to be said in the first place. I see so many people throw criticisms at their SO's as if they are throwing rice at a wedding, treating each other with such disrespect that you're embarrassed FOR them. So, here are some of my own little..."Rules".
1) Never criticize your SO in front of others, especially your children. If it HAS to be said, be respectful and say it in private.
2) There's a HUGE difference between teasing and belittling. Know the difference!
3) Before you send out a negative comment, ask yourself how you would feel if someone said it to you.
4) If you ask your SO to do something for you, don't micromanage how they do it. If they ask for your opinion, give it AS YOUR OPINION, then back off. If you are that particular about how you want something done, then do it yourself.
5) It takes 10 compliments to undo an insult. Do a mental check at least once a day. Did your compliments outweigh your criticisms?
6) Don't look at your relationship with a "What's in it for me?" attitude. Ask yourself, "What's in it for them? What have I done to make ME someone I would want to be with"
7) If you're feeling emotional, vulnerable, bitchy, cranky, TELL Them!!! If you know why, Tell Them. If you DON'T know why, TELL THEM!!!
8) Don't NAG! If you ask your SO to do something for you and you are sure they actually heard you, don't ask again.
9) If you need something done by a specific time, say so. If it's close to the time when you needed it done, go do it yourself. If they comment that they were ABOUT to do it, just say that you know they are busy but you'd still love help if they have time.
10) If you treat your SO like crap, put them down, neglect them, belittle them, from the moment you wake up until you're ready to get frisky, DO NOT BE SURPRISED IF THEY AREN'T IN THE MOOD! We are all emotional creatures. Kind gestures and words, compliments, sweet kisses (cheeks and foreheads are wonderful), soft touches, catching our SO staring at us with a little smile on their face, makes us FEEL beautiful, sexy, loved, desired.
11) Be gracious about the things your SO does for you. Little, big, doesn't matter. Please and thank you apply to your SO too!
We ALL WANT to feel like we did in the beginning, when we could TELL that you thought we were AMAZING. If she doesn't look like she did when you first met her, remember, chances are, neither do you. If you don't like how you look, then put the effort into making it better. Suck in your gut like you still care! Turn off the TV/Computer and pay attention to each other!
It's NOT hard work. It's not any harder than being as kind to each other as you would be to a complete stranger. It should NEVER be said that you show MORE kindness, compassion, respect and understanding to someone you've never met than you show to the person who is SUPPOSED to be your BEST FRIEND.
/lecture
There will be a pop quiz on Monday.
Communication is at the forefront but, I think, there's a lot more to that answer than just talking. How you communicate is vital. Each of you should feel "safe" being completely open. However, and I can't stress this enough, we should always consider whether or not something needs to be said in the first place. I see so many people throw criticisms at their SO's as if they are throwing rice at a wedding, treating each other with such disrespect that you're embarrassed FOR them. So, here are some of my own little..."Rules".
1) Never criticize your SO in front of others, especially your children. If it HAS to be said, be respectful and say it in private.
2) There's a HUGE difference between teasing and belittling. Know the difference!
3) Before you send out a negative comment, ask yourself how you would feel if someone said it to you.
4) If you ask your SO to do something for you, don't micromanage how they do it. If they ask for your opinion, give it AS YOUR OPINION, then back off. If you are that particular about how you want something done, then do it yourself.
5) It takes 10 compliments to undo an insult. Do a mental check at least once a day. Did your compliments outweigh your criticisms?
6) Don't look at your relationship with a "What's in it for me?" attitude. Ask yourself, "What's in it for them? What have I done to make ME someone I would want to be with"
7) If you're feeling emotional, vulnerable, bitchy, cranky, TELL Them!!! If you know why, Tell Them. If you DON'T know why, TELL THEM!!!
8) Don't NAG! If you ask your SO to do something for you and you are sure they actually heard you, don't ask again.
9) If you need something done by a specific time, say so. If it's close to the time when you needed it done, go do it yourself. If they comment that they were ABOUT to do it, just say that you know they are busy but you'd still love help if they have time.
10) If you treat your SO like crap, put them down, neglect them, belittle them, from the moment you wake up until you're ready to get frisky, DO NOT BE SURPRISED IF THEY AREN'T IN THE MOOD! We are all emotional creatures. Kind gestures and words, compliments, sweet kisses (cheeks and foreheads are wonderful), soft touches, catching our SO staring at us with a little smile on their face, makes us FEEL beautiful, sexy, loved, desired.
11) Be gracious about the things your SO does for you. Little, big, doesn't matter. Please and thank you apply to your SO too!
We ALL WANT to feel like we did in the beginning, when we could TELL that you thought we were AMAZING. If she doesn't look like she did when you first met her, remember, chances are, neither do you. If you don't like how you look, then put the effort into making it better. Suck in your gut like you still care! Turn off the TV/Computer and pay attention to each other!
It's NOT hard work. It's not any harder than being as kind to each other as you would be to a complete stranger. It should NEVER be said that you show MORE kindness, compassion, respect and understanding to someone you've never met than you show to the person who is SUPPOSED to be your BEST FRIEND.
/lecture
There will be a pop quiz on Monday.
When Are You Going To Love You As Much As We Do?
I asked, "When are you gonna love you as much as we do?"
My friend's response, "This is a very poignant question. For most of us that aren't sociopaths, psychopaths, or suffer from narcissistic borderline personality disorders, this lack of self-worth we have is affecting every facet of our lives. With very few exceptions, people are FAR harder on themselves than they are on others...
We are taught, from a young age, what right and wrong is. Unfortunately, the message is sometimes twisted from "what you DID is wrong (the action)" to "YOU are wrong (the person)". Sometimes, the message is twisted on purpose (to give the authority figure power and control), sometimes it is just badly conveyed, or misinterpreted by a young mind trying to figure things out.
In either case, as adults, we need to strive to help ourselves become at peace with ourselves. We need to neuter the inner critic that undermines our self-worth. Yes, we all want to help other people, and yes, we can, even if we, ourselves, are imperfect (we all are), but keep this analogy in mind when contemplating the worth of yourself:
When oxygen masks drop from the ceiling in an airplane, the instructions are to put your own mask on first, then help anyone else. There is a very good reason for doing it this way, because if you neglect your mask to help someone else and it doesn't work or you run out of time, YOU WILL BOTH DIE. Only when we, ourselves, are safe can we truly reach out and heal other people."
So, tonight, I put this out to every person I am blessed to know and whom I love dearly...
Please, be as kind, compassionate, understanding, patient and loving to YOURSELVES as you are to everyone else.
My friend's response, "This is a very poignant question. For most of us that aren't sociopaths, psychopaths, or suffer from narcissistic borderline personality disorders, this lack of self-worth we have is affecting every facet of our lives. With very few exceptions, people are FAR harder on themselves than they are on others...
We are taught, from a young age, what right and wrong is. Unfortunately, the message is sometimes twisted from "what you DID is wrong (the action)" to "YOU are wrong (the person)". Sometimes, the message is twisted on purpose (to give the authority figure power and control), sometimes it is just badly conveyed, or misinterpreted by a young mind trying to figure things out.
In either case, as adults, we need to strive to help ourselves become at peace with ourselves. We need to neuter the inner critic that undermines our self-worth. Yes, we all want to help other people, and yes, we can, even if we, ourselves, are imperfect (we all are), but keep this analogy in mind when contemplating the worth of yourself:
When oxygen masks drop from the ceiling in an airplane, the instructions are to put your own mask on first, then help anyone else. There is a very good reason for doing it this way, because if you neglect your mask to help someone else and it doesn't work or you run out of time, YOU WILL BOTH DIE. Only when we, ourselves, are safe can we truly reach out and heal other people."
So, tonight, I put this out to every person I am blessed to know and whom I love dearly...
Please, be as kind, compassionate, understanding, patient and loving to YOURSELVES as you are to everyone else.
Nails In The Fence
The following story was shared with me by a dear friend. We were talking about how the scars of emotional abuse last forever.
NAILS IN THE FENCE
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said,
"You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed! They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.
NAILS IN THE FENCE
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said,
"You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed! They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.
Nothing but the facts! Mexican ~vs~ American Immigration
• Mexico welcomes only foreigners who will be useful to Mexican society
• Mexican authorities must keep track of every single person in the country
• Foreigners with fake papers, or who enter the country under false pretenses, may be imprisoned
• Foreigners who fail to obey the rules will be fined, deported, and/or imprisoned as felons
• Under Mexican law, illegal immigration is a felony. The General Law on Population says,
- “A penalty of up to two years in prison and a fine of three hundred to five thousand pesos will be imposed on the foreigner who enters the country illegally.” (Article 123)
• Mexicans who help illegal aliens enter the country are themselves considered criminals under the law:
- A Mexican who marries a foreigner with the sole objective of helping the foreigner live in the country is subject to up to five years in prison. (Article 127)
• The Mexican constitution expressly forbids non-citizens to participate in the country’s political life.
• The Mexican constitution denies fundamental property rights to foreigners.
• The Mexican constitution denies equal employment rights to immigrants, even legal
ones, in the public sector.
• The Mexican constitution guarantees that immigrants will never be treated as real Mexican citizens, even if they are legally naturalized.
• An immigrant who becomes a naturalized Mexican citizen can be stripped of his Mexican citizenship if he lives again in the country of his origin for more than five years.
• Foreign-born, naturalized Mexican citizens may not become federal lawmakers (Article 55), cabinet secretaries (Article 91) or supreme court justices (Article 95).
• The president of Mexico must be a Mexican citizen by birth AND his parents must also be Mexican-born citizens (Article 82), thus giving secondary status to Mexican-born citizens born of immigrants.
• The Mexican constitution singles out “undesirable aliens.” Article 11 guarantees federal protection against “undesirable aliens resident in the country.”
• The Mexican constitution provides the right of private individuals to make citizen’s arrests.
• The Mexican constitution states that foreigners may be expelled for any reason and without due process.
The following letter was sent to a Senator by David J. Stoddard. Dave Stoddard has lived and worked on the border all his life. He has traveled in Mexico and has friends and family there. Dave lives near the Mexican Border in Cochise County, Arizona. He speaks, reads and writes Spanish fluently.
Mr. Stoddard spent 27 years in the Border Patrol and served in Calexico, California, Vermont, Yuma, Tucson Sector Headquarters and Naco, Arizona. He also worked in Texas, Florida, Puerto Rico and other locations.
Stoddard provided testimony about immigration reform to Rep. F. James Sensenbrenner's (R-WI) House Subcommittee on Immigration and Claims in 1999 and a Congressional subcommittee on Criminal Justice, Drug Policy and Human Resources in 2002.
http://www.newswithviews.com/Stoddard/david5.htm
Dear Senator Lott:
There is a huge amount of propaganda and myths circulating about illegal aliens, particularly illegal Mexican, Salvadorian, Guatemalan and Honduran aliens.
1. Illegal aliens generally do NOT want U.S. citizenship. Americans are very vain thinking that everybody in the world wants to be a U.S. citizen. Mexicans, and other nationalities want to remain citizens of their home countries while obtaining the benefits offered by the United States such as employment, medical care, in-state tuition, government subsidized housing and free education for their offspring. Their main attraction is employment and their loyalty usually remains at home. They want benefits earned and subsidized by middle class Americans. What illegal aliens want are benefits of American residence without paying the price.
2. There are no jobs that Americans won't do. Illegal aliens are doing jobs that Americans can't take and still support their families. Illegal aliens take low wage jobs, live dozens in a single residence home, share expenses and send money to their home country. There are no jobs that Americans won't do for a decent wage.
3. Every person who illegally entered this nation left a home. They are NOT homeless and they are NOT Americans. Some left jobs in their home countries. They come to send money to their real home as evidenced by the more than 20 billion dollars sent out of the country each year by illegal aliens. These illegal aliens knowingly and willfully entered this nation in violation of the law and therefore assumed the risk of detection and deportation. Those who brought their alien children assumed the responsibility and risk on behalf of their children.
4. Illegal aliens are NOT critical to the economy. Illegal aliens constitute less than 5% of the workforce. However, they reduce wages and benefits for lawful U.S. residents.
5. This is NOT an immigrant nation. There are 280 million native born Americans. While it is true that this nation was settled and founded by immigrants (legal immigrants), it is also true that there is not a nation on this planet that was not settled by immigrants at one time or another.
6. The United States is welcoming to legal immigrants. Illegal aliens are not immigrants by definition. The U.S. accepts more lawful immigrants every year than the rest of the world combined.
7. There is no such thing as the "Hispanic vote". Hispanics are white, brown, black and every shade in between. Hispanics are Republicans, Democrats, Anarchists, Communists, Marxists and Independents. The so-called "Hispanic vote" is a myth. Pandering to illegal aliens to get the Hispanic vote is a dead end.
8. Mexico is NOT a friend of the United States. Since 1848 Mexicans have resented the United States. During World War I Mexico allowed German Spies to operate freely in Mexico to spy on the U.S. During World War II Mexico allowed the Axis powers to spy on the U.S. from Mexico. During the Cold War Mexico allowed spies hostile to the U.S. to operate freely. The attack on the Twin Towers in 2001 was cheered and applauded all across Mexico. Today Mexican school children are taught that the U.S. stole California, Arizona, new Mexico and Texas. If you don't believe it, check out some Mexican textbooks written for their schoolchildren.
9. Although some illegal aliens enter this country for a better life, there are 6 billion people on this planet. At least 1 billion of those live on less than one dollar a day. If wanting a better life is a valid excuse to break the law and sneak into America, then let's allow those one billion to come to America and we'll turn the USA into a Third World nation overnight. Besides, there are 280 million native born Americans who want a better life. I'll bet Bill Gates and Donald Trump want a better life. When will the USA lifeboat be full? Since when is wanting a better life a good reason to trash another nation?
10. There is a labor shortage in this country. This is a lie. There are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of American housewives, senior citizens, students, unemployed and underemployed who would gladly take jobs at a decent wage.
11. It is racist to want secure borders. What is racist about wanting secure borders and a secure America? What is racist about not wanting people to sneak into America and steal benefits we have set aside for legal aliens, senior citizens, children and other legal residents? What is it about race that entitles people to violate our laws, steal identities, and take the American Dream without paying the price?
For about four decades American politicians have refused to secure our borders and look after the welfare of middle class Americans. These politicians have been of both parties. A huge debt to American society has resulted. This debt will be satisfied and the interest will be high. There has already been riots in the streets by illegal aliens and their supporters. There will be more. You, as a politician, have a choice to offend the illegal aliens who have stolen into this country and demanded the rights afforded to U.S. citizens or to offend those of us who are stakeholders in this country. The interest will be steep either way. There will be civil unrest. There will be a reckoning. Do you have the courage to do what is right for America? Or, will you bow to the wants and needs of those who don't even have the right to remain here?
There will be a reckoning. It will come in November of this year, again in 2008 and yet again in 2010.
We will not allow America to be stolen by third world agitators and thieves.
© 2007 David J. Stoddard - All Rights Reserved
• Mexican authorities must keep track of every single person in the country
• Foreigners with fake papers, or who enter the country under false pretenses, may be imprisoned
• Foreigners who fail to obey the rules will be fined, deported, and/or imprisoned as felons
• Under Mexican law, illegal immigration is a felony. The General Law on Population says,
- “A penalty of up to two years in prison and a fine of three hundred to five thousand pesos will be imposed on the foreigner who enters the country illegally.” (Article 123)
• Mexicans who help illegal aliens enter the country are themselves considered criminals under the law:
- A Mexican who marries a foreigner with the sole objective of helping the foreigner live in the country is subject to up to five years in prison. (Article 127)
• The Mexican constitution expressly forbids non-citizens to participate in the country’s political life.
• The Mexican constitution denies fundamental property rights to foreigners.
• The Mexican constitution denies equal employment rights to immigrants, even legal
ones, in the public sector.
• The Mexican constitution guarantees that immigrants will never be treated as real Mexican citizens, even if they are legally naturalized.
• An immigrant who becomes a naturalized Mexican citizen can be stripped of his Mexican citizenship if he lives again in the country of his origin for more than five years.
• Foreign-born, naturalized Mexican citizens may not become federal lawmakers (Article 55), cabinet secretaries (Article 91) or supreme court justices (Article 95).
• The president of Mexico must be a Mexican citizen by birth AND his parents must also be Mexican-born citizens (Article 82), thus giving secondary status to Mexican-born citizens born of immigrants.
• The Mexican constitution singles out “undesirable aliens.” Article 11 guarantees federal protection against “undesirable aliens resident in the country.”
• The Mexican constitution provides the right of private individuals to make citizen’s arrests.
• The Mexican constitution states that foreigners may be expelled for any reason and without due process.
The following letter was sent to a Senator by David J. Stoddard. Dave Stoddard has lived and worked on the border all his life. He has traveled in Mexico and has friends and family there. Dave lives near the Mexican Border in Cochise County, Arizona. He speaks, reads and writes Spanish fluently.
Mr. Stoddard spent 27 years in the Border Patrol and served in Calexico, California, Vermont, Yuma, Tucson Sector Headquarters and Naco, Arizona. He also worked in Texas, Florida, Puerto Rico and other locations.
Stoddard provided testimony about immigration reform to Rep. F. James Sensenbrenner's (R-WI) House Subcommittee on Immigration and Claims in 1999 and a Congressional subcommittee on Criminal Justice, Drug Policy and Human Resources in 2002.
http://www.newswithviews.com/Stoddard/david5.htm
Dear Senator Lott:
There is a huge amount of propaganda and myths circulating about illegal aliens, particularly illegal Mexican, Salvadorian, Guatemalan and Honduran aliens.
1. Illegal aliens generally do NOT want U.S. citizenship. Americans are very vain thinking that everybody in the world wants to be a U.S. citizen. Mexicans, and other nationalities want to remain citizens of their home countries while obtaining the benefits offered by the United States such as employment, medical care, in-state tuition, government subsidized housing and free education for their offspring. Their main attraction is employment and their loyalty usually remains at home. They want benefits earned and subsidized by middle class Americans. What illegal aliens want are benefits of American residence without paying the price.
2. There are no jobs that Americans won't do. Illegal aliens are doing jobs that Americans can't take and still support their families. Illegal aliens take low wage jobs, live dozens in a single residence home, share expenses and send money to their home country. There are no jobs that Americans won't do for a decent wage.
3. Every person who illegally entered this nation left a home. They are NOT homeless and they are NOT Americans. Some left jobs in their home countries. They come to send money to their real home as evidenced by the more than 20 billion dollars sent out of the country each year by illegal aliens. These illegal aliens knowingly and willfully entered this nation in violation of the law and therefore assumed the risk of detection and deportation. Those who brought their alien children assumed the responsibility and risk on behalf of their children.
4. Illegal aliens are NOT critical to the economy. Illegal aliens constitute less than 5% of the workforce. However, they reduce wages and benefits for lawful U.S. residents.
5. This is NOT an immigrant nation. There are 280 million native born Americans. While it is true that this nation was settled and founded by immigrants (legal immigrants), it is also true that there is not a nation on this planet that was not settled by immigrants at one time or another.
6. The United States is welcoming to legal immigrants. Illegal aliens are not immigrants by definition. The U.S. accepts more lawful immigrants every year than the rest of the world combined.
7. There is no such thing as the "Hispanic vote". Hispanics are white, brown, black and every shade in between. Hispanics are Republicans, Democrats, Anarchists, Communists, Marxists and Independents. The so-called "Hispanic vote" is a myth. Pandering to illegal aliens to get the Hispanic vote is a dead end.
8. Mexico is NOT a friend of the United States. Since 1848 Mexicans have resented the United States. During World War I Mexico allowed German Spies to operate freely in Mexico to spy on the U.S. During World War II Mexico allowed the Axis powers to spy on the U.S. from Mexico. During the Cold War Mexico allowed spies hostile to the U.S. to operate freely. The attack on the Twin Towers in 2001 was cheered and applauded all across Mexico. Today Mexican school children are taught that the U.S. stole California, Arizona, new Mexico and Texas. If you don't believe it, check out some Mexican textbooks written for their schoolchildren.
9. Although some illegal aliens enter this country for a better life, there are 6 billion people on this planet. At least 1 billion of those live on less than one dollar a day. If wanting a better life is a valid excuse to break the law and sneak into America, then let's allow those one billion to come to America and we'll turn the USA into a Third World nation overnight. Besides, there are 280 million native born Americans who want a better life. I'll bet Bill Gates and Donald Trump want a better life. When will the USA lifeboat be full? Since when is wanting a better life a good reason to trash another nation?
10. There is a labor shortage in this country. This is a lie. There are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of American housewives, senior citizens, students, unemployed and underemployed who would gladly take jobs at a decent wage.
11. It is racist to want secure borders. What is racist about wanting secure borders and a secure America? What is racist about not wanting people to sneak into America and steal benefits we have set aside for legal aliens, senior citizens, children and other legal residents? What is it about race that entitles people to violate our laws, steal identities, and take the American Dream without paying the price?
For about four decades American politicians have refused to secure our borders and look after the welfare of middle class Americans. These politicians have been of both parties. A huge debt to American society has resulted. This debt will be satisfied and the interest will be high. There has already been riots in the streets by illegal aliens and their supporters. There will be more. You, as a politician, have a choice to offend the illegal aliens who have stolen into this country and demanded the rights afforded to U.S. citizens or to offend those of us who are stakeholders in this country. The interest will be steep either way. There will be civil unrest. There will be a reckoning. Do you have the courage to do what is right for America? Or, will you bow to the wants and needs of those who don't even have the right to remain here?
There will be a reckoning. It will come in November of this year, again in 2008 and yet again in 2010.
We will not allow America to be stolen by third world agitators and thieves.
© 2007 David J. Stoddard - All Rights Reserved
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