Relationship Do's and Don'ts

No ONE thing is guaranteed to make or not make a relationship work. I've seen some marriages, that make my skin crawl, last a lifetime. I've seen marriages, that seemed perfect, that lasted through tons of hardships, suddenly fall apart.

Communication is at the forefront but, I think, there's a lot more to that answer than just talking. How you communicate is vital. Each of you should feel "safe" being completely open. However, and I can't stress this enough, we should always consider whether or not something needs to be said in the first place. I see so many people throw criticisms at their SO's as if they are throwing rice at a wedding, treating each other with such disrespect that you're embarrassed FOR them. So, here are some of my own little..."Rules".

1) Never criticize your SO in front of others, especially your children. If it HAS to be said, be respectful and say it in private.

2) There's a HUGE difference between teasing and belittling. Know the difference!

3) Before you send out a negative comment, ask yourself how you would feel if someone said it to you.

4) If you ask your SO to do something for you, don't micromanage how they do it. If they ask for your opinion, give it AS YOUR OPINION, then back off. If you are that particular about how you want something done, then do it yourself.

5) It takes 10 compliments to undo an insult. Do a mental check at least once a day. Did your compliments outweigh your criticisms?

6) Don't look at your relationship with a "What's in it for me?" attitude. Ask yourself, "What's in it for them? What have I done to make ME someone I would want to be with"

7) If you're feeling emotional, vulnerable, bitchy, cranky, TELL Them!!! If you know why, Tell Them. If you DON'T know why, TELL THEM!!!

8) Don't NAG! If you ask your SO to do something for you and you are sure they actually heard you, don't ask again.

9) If you need something done by a specific time, say so. If it's close to the time when you needed it done, go do it yourself. If they comment that they were ABOUT to do it, just say that you know they are busy but you'd still love help if they have time.

10) If you treat your SO like crap, put them down, neglect them, belittle them, from the moment you wake up until you're ready to get frisky, DO NOT BE SURPRISED IF THEY AREN'T IN THE MOOD! We are all emotional creatures. Kind gestures and words, compliments, sweet kisses (cheeks and foreheads are wonderful), soft touches, catching our SO staring at us with a little smile on their face, makes us FEEL beautiful, sexy, loved, desired.

11) Be gracious about the things your SO does for you. Little, big, doesn't matter. Please and thank you apply to your SO too!

We ALL WANT to feel like we did in the beginning, when we could TELL that you thought we were AMAZING. If she doesn't look like she did when you first met her, remember, chances are, neither do you. If you don't like how you look, then put the effort into making it better. Suck in your gut like you still care! Turn off the TV/Computer and pay attention to each other!

It's NOT hard work. It's not any harder than being as kind to each other as you would be to a complete stranger. It should NEVER be said that you show MORE kindness, compassion, respect and understanding to someone you've never met than you show to the person who is SUPPOSED to be your BEST FRIEND.

/lecture

There will be a pop quiz on Monday.